Quotations for Arms & Ammunation (Chit-Chat)

[Kim]

Hello guys !
I've come across a few proverbs and quotes from different foreign category books !
Would like to share some here, the true ones

Hope everybody comes up with a few ones.
Hope this doesn't come in the category of spam !

Here's mine :-
“I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.”

Its so true !

[Sakobav]

Maybe I am bit slow, dont understand this ghoulish buffalo wild bill quote or its context...

[Mack The Knife]

Make that two.

[The Doc]

“I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground as she falls over, is like the top thing you can do.”

Did you translate it from some other language ? What does it mean ?

[nagarifle]

sorry i did not take class in double dutch or gobokiy geek. i will try my local night school to see if they are running any classes.

[Zenbon]

The only thing I could understand was that "Indian " refers to a red indian. In the light of which, the "Its so true" comment

[diskaon]

poor fellow kim.. give him a chance to explain..

kim .. we a all waiting for the explanation!!

diskaon.

[TenX]

Its by a person called Jack Handy, in a noted Saturday Night Live.... He is basically a comedian, and a great orator.

The above saying is criticizing the Red Indians about their 'false bravery', simply meaning that they will shoot to kill a woman in her back (even though the shotgun is aimed the other way)

Here is a list of his more profound sayings...

15 Deepest Thoughts of Jack Handey

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

If you’re a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, “Boy, these are good cigars!”

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said “Hey, hows it going?”. So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said “Now whose asking the questions?”

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em’, cause, man, they’re gone.

To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

When you’re riding in a time machine way far into the future, don’t stick your elbow out the window, or it’ll turn into a fossil.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I’d carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like “Hey, look. He’s carrying a soldering iron!” and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, “That’s right, it’s a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.” Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you’re drunk.

I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, “Don’t forget the thick, heavy brows.” Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they’d get mad and eat the snowman.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he’d spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he’d yell out, “Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!” We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.

But in all that I have heard, I personally like:
Life is what happens when you are making other plans

[Zenbon]

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

When you’re riding in a time machine way far into the future, don’t stick your elbow out the window, or it’ll turn into a fossil.

[Kim]

Its by a person called Jack Handy, in a noted Saturday Night Live.... He is basically a comedian, and a great orator.

The above saying is criticizing the Red Indians about their 'false bravery', simply meaning that they will shoot to kill a woman in her back (even though the shotgun is aimed the other way)

Here is a list of his more profound sayings...

15 Deepest Thoughts of Jack Handey

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

If you’re a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, “Boy, these are good cigars!”

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said “Hey, hows it going?”. So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said “Now whose asking the questions?”

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em’, cause, man, they’re gone.

To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

When you’re riding in a time machine way far into the future, don’t stick your elbow out the window, or it’ll turn into a fossil.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I’d carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like “Hey, look. He’s carrying a soldering iron!” and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, “That’s right, it’s a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.” Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you’re drunk.

I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, “Don’t forget the thick, heavy brows.” Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they’d get mad and eat the snowman.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he’d spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he’d yell out, “Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!” We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.

But in all that I have heard, I personally like:
Life is what happens when you are making other plans

Thanks for the explanation !
But, was it really hard to understand ?
I do not find any gramatical mistakes too !

[TenX]

Its by a person called Jack Handy, in a noted Saturday Night Live.... He is basically a comedian, and a great orator.

The above saying is criticizing the Red Indians about their 'false bravery', simply meaning that they will shoot to kill a woman in her back (even though the shotgun is aimed the other way)

Here is a list of his more profound sayings...

15 Deepest Thoughts of Jack Handey

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

If you’re a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don’t like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you’re eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you’re out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, “Boy, these are good cigars!”

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said “Hey, hows it going?”. So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said “Now whose asking the questions?”

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em’, cause, man, they’re gone.

To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.”

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

When you’re riding in a time machine way far into the future, don’t stick your elbow out the window, or it’ll turn into a fossil.

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I’d carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like “Hey, look. He’s carrying a soldering iron!” and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, “That’s right, it’s a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.” Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he’s carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he’s carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you’re drunk.

I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, “Don’t forget the thick, heavy brows.” Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they’d get mad and eat the snowman.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone’s neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he’d spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he’d yell out, “Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!” We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.

But in all that I have heard, I personally like:
Life is what happens when you are making other plans

Thanks for the explanation !
But, was it really hard to understand ?
I do not find any gramatical mistakes too !

Kim.. Some sayings may require a contextual understanding to be grasped easily... Its like telling a Rajnikanth joke to someone who does not know him..

Speaking of Rajnikanth, do you know that everytime he does push-ups, he is actually not pushing himself up, but is instead pushing the earth down ..

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

When you’re riding in a time machine way far into the future, don’t stick your elbow out the window, or it’ll turn into a fossil.

Zenbon.. since you liked it... here is another that you may like:

Son: But I dont want to go to America...
Dad: Shut up and keep swimming !!!

:)

[nagarifle]

sometime grammatical mistakes are and should be overlooked as long as the message conveyed comes through without much of a brain sweat.

[nagarifle]

taking about America; its a great country but only one thing spoils it, is the Americans

[Zenbon]

Speaking of Rajnikanth, do you know that everytime he does push-ups, he is actually not pushing himself up, but is instead pushing the earth down ..

one more on those lines




PS: Rajni fans, dont take this to heart

[Kim]

Talking of Rajnikanth here are some quotes :
1) Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
2) When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.
3) Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.
4) Rajanikanth’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.
5) Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
6) Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Will update some later !
Cheers ^^