IOF Launches ₹10,000/- Handgun - will also facilitate License for citizens
Posted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 3:44 pm
In keeping with their rich tradition of serving the best interests of Indian citizens, the IOF has announced the launch of their latest handgun at an unbelievably affordable price of ₹10,000/-. The IOF spokesman said they wanted to keep the price even lower, but about 50% of the price was needed for "facilitating" arms license applications. When quizzed further, he said "While the going rate for arms licenses had crossed 1 lac rupees in many jurisdictions, the IOF was able to negotiate a flat facilitation fee of ₹5,000 for its customers. This was done after hard negotiations with licensing authorities across the nation and we believe it will be a big attraction for our customers."
The new model is named "Bose" in honour of Subhash Chandra Bose, an IOF spokesman clarified that the name has not been inspired by the famous audio company, as had been rumoured earlier. "Since this pistol will offer citizens the freedom to protect themselves and their loved ones, we thought it would be most appropriate to use the name of one of our most loved patriots."
The model is a .32 calibre semi-automatic polymer frame pistol, with a 15 shot magazine, the IOF spokesman stated that "This handgun brings to Indian citizens the very latest advances in material sciences and firearm design".
When pressed further he admitted that the design was largely inspired by a similar model from a European manufacturer, but there was nothing exceptional about this, as for many decades IOF had been looking to overseas makers for inspiration. He further stated that the execution was completely original and there were as yet no IPR infringement claims brought upon them by the European manufacturer. He said, "In case the foreign manufacturer does decide to sue us, we will ask the government to cancel all of their contracts with the MoD, which would be a substantially bigger loss to them, especially since they have spent over ₹5,000 crores on advisers and consultants to bag these MoD contracts. We are completely confident as to our legal position."
When we asked if this would be a completely in-house product, he answered, "IOF has a strong tradition of outsourcing, in fact we were one of the first PSUs to completely outsource all of our work. All parts are being produced by our traditional outsourcing suppliers, but the final assembly is done on our own premises, of course using outsourced labour. This allows our staff the freedom to pursue more creative tasks like yoga, painting, gardening, music, etc. We try and provide our staff with the richest possible environment for spiritual growth and self actualisation."
We asked him if there were any improvements in range/ accuracy etc. when compared to their existing and substantially more expensive models. To this he answered, "There is no question about it, this is a far superior product. However, I think I should clarify that it will not be shooting real bullets. After deep deliberations with the government officials, it was decided that it is far too dangerous for our citizens to be carrying around guns which can actually shoot bullets, as they might shoot rapists, muggers, dacoits and violent criminals of all types. This could end up substantially reducing the membership of most of our political parties, therefore would potentially have a deeply destabilizing impact on our democracy. Thus, we have launched this blank firing gun."
When we quizzed him as to why they were selling a blank pistol as a firearm, he answered, "I should remind you under Arms Rules 2016 blank firing guns are treated as 'real firearms' and require these to have a license! We thought the time was ripe for us to provide our citizens with this latest type of weapon and have wasted no time in copying... er, I mean designing and producing the same post haste."
When asked what would happen to citizens armed with this new blank gun, if and when they encountered violent criminals? He answered , "Well initially some criminals would likely run away thinking that it is a real gun, but since most criminals these days are armed with unlicensed arms, they will most likely shoot the owner dead before he can harm them. To prevent this outcome, after much thought we have added an important design feature, the forward 1" of the barrel and frame is coloured a bright orange, so that the criminals can easily identify this as a blank firing gun, which they need not fear and hopefully they will not shoot the owners. We think that this feature alone will contribute to saving countless lives. We are also giving out free, with every purchase, 'Gun Free Zone' stickers in all major Indian languages. We think that these would be a big deterrent to gun crime across the nation."
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DISCLAIMER
The above is a work of fiction/ a joke/ a humour piece if you will, to celebrate April Fools Day!
Any references to any real individual (living or dead) or organisation is purely accidental, unintentional and without malice.
The new model is named "Bose" in honour of Subhash Chandra Bose, an IOF spokesman clarified that the name has not been inspired by the famous audio company, as had been rumoured earlier. "Since this pistol will offer citizens the freedom to protect themselves and their loved ones, we thought it would be most appropriate to use the name of one of our most loved patriots."
The model is a .32 calibre semi-automatic polymer frame pistol, with a 15 shot magazine, the IOF spokesman stated that "This handgun brings to Indian citizens the very latest advances in material sciences and firearm design".
When pressed further he admitted that the design was largely inspired by a similar model from a European manufacturer, but there was nothing exceptional about this, as for many decades IOF had been looking to overseas makers for inspiration. He further stated that the execution was completely original and there were as yet no IPR infringement claims brought upon them by the European manufacturer. He said, "In case the foreign manufacturer does decide to sue us, we will ask the government to cancel all of their contracts with the MoD, which would be a substantially bigger loss to them, especially since they have spent over ₹5,000 crores on advisers and consultants to bag these MoD contracts. We are completely confident as to our legal position."
When we asked if this would be a completely in-house product, he answered, "IOF has a strong tradition of outsourcing, in fact we were one of the first PSUs to completely outsource all of our work. All parts are being produced by our traditional outsourcing suppliers, but the final assembly is done on our own premises, of course using outsourced labour. This allows our staff the freedom to pursue more creative tasks like yoga, painting, gardening, music, etc. We try and provide our staff with the richest possible environment for spiritual growth and self actualisation."
We asked him if there were any improvements in range/ accuracy etc. when compared to their existing and substantially more expensive models. To this he answered, "There is no question about it, this is a far superior product. However, I think I should clarify that it will not be shooting real bullets. After deep deliberations with the government officials, it was decided that it is far too dangerous for our citizens to be carrying around guns which can actually shoot bullets, as they might shoot rapists, muggers, dacoits and violent criminals of all types. This could end up substantially reducing the membership of most of our political parties, therefore would potentially have a deeply destabilizing impact on our democracy. Thus, we have launched this blank firing gun."
When we quizzed him as to why they were selling a blank pistol as a firearm, he answered, "I should remind you under Arms Rules 2016 blank firing guns are treated as 'real firearms' and require these to have a license! We thought the time was ripe for us to provide our citizens with this latest type of weapon and have wasted no time in copying... er, I mean designing and producing the same post haste."
When asked what would happen to citizens armed with this new blank gun, if and when they encountered violent criminals? He answered , "Well initially some criminals would likely run away thinking that it is a real gun, but since most criminals these days are armed with unlicensed arms, they will most likely shoot the owner dead before he can harm them. To prevent this outcome, after much thought we have added an important design feature, the forward 1" of the barrel and frame is coloured a bright orange, so that the criminals can easily identify this as a blank firing gun, which they need not fear and hopefully they will not shoot the owners. We think that this feature alone will contribute to saving countless lives. We are also giving out free, with every purchase, 'Gun Free Zone' stickers in all major Indian languages. We think that these would be a big deterrent to gun crime across the nation."
*******************************************
DISCLAIMER
The above is a work of fiction/ a joke/ a humour piece if you will, to celebrate April Fools Day!
Any references to any real individual (living or dead) or organisation is purely accidental, unintentional and without malice.
