Indians For Guns

Saturday:

1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings.
2:00 A.M. Hunting partner arrives, drags you out of bed.
2:30 A.M. Throw everything but the kitchen sink into the pickup.
3:00 A.M. Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 A.M. Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 A.M. Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 A.M. Set up camp - forgot the damn tent!
4:30 A.M. Head into the woods.
6:05 A.M. See eight deer!
6:06 A.M. Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 A.M. "Click".
6:08 A.M. Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 A.M. Head back to camp.
9:00 A.M. Still looking for camp.
10:00 A.M. Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon Fire gun for help, eat wild berries.
12:15 P.M. Run out of bullets, eight deer come back.
12:20 P.M. Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 P.M. Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 P.M. Rescued!
3:00 P.M. Arrive back in camp.
3:30 P.M. Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 P.M. Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 P.M. Load gun, leave camp again.
5:00 P.M. Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you. Miss.
6:00 P.M. Arrive at camp, see deer grazing there.
6:01 P.M. Load gun.
6:02 P.M. Fire gun.
6:03 P.M. One dead pickup.
6:05 P.M. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 P.M. Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07 P.M. Fall into campfire.
6:08 P.M. Change clothes.
6:10 P.M. Throw burned clothes into campfire.
6:15 P.M. Take pickup, leave partner and his deer in the woods.
6:25 P.M. Pickup boils over, hole shot in engine block.
6:26 P.M. Start walking.
6:30 P.M. Stumble and fall, drop gun in the mud.
6:35 P.M. Meet bear.
6:36 P.M. Take aim.
6:37 P.M. Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 P.M. Mess pants.
6:39 P.M. Climb tree!
9:00 P.M. Bear departs, wrap @#$%&*! Gun around tree.
Midnight Home at last!

5:00 P.M. Empty gun on squirrel that is bugging you. Miss.

Believe me, there have been many times that I have wanted to do this.
You can be sitting there minding your own business, trying to imitate a stump, waiting for deer to walk by....... and here comes this single minded squirrel hunting for nuts, when he notices you from about three feet away. It scares the crap out of him and shoots up the nearest tree. Now, since he thinks that its your fault for scaring him, he sits there scolding you, chittering and chattering at the top of his voice. You know that as long he's making a fuss like that no deer is going to come near the place. I have put the gun on him and said "bang" but have always refrained from pulling the trigger.