Psalm 1911

[Mark]

To all disciples of the venerable 1911...

PSALM 19:11

1. In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, thou shalt not muck with my disciple John's design for it is good and it worketh. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.

2. And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.

3. And as the ages passed, men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the
artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

5. And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the Great Battle.

6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

8. And being a deceitful spirit, the lord of the underworld did make
these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

9. And the Evil One also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a "dingus" to make them appear safe.

10. But man, being stupid, did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger-cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great
intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11. And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the Underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible "Ka-Boom" to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men, they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.

13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil sprits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the
followers of John.

[Grumpy]

And lo it came to pass that the prophet St Mark embarked on a mission to spread the word of the Lord and espouse the cause of the 1911.
But woe on woe, the evangelist, though his heart was good, spread the word falsely. For in the beginning ....... or the end of the beginning, the Lord said to Laumann "Lo my cocker, the wheely gun is OK but this is the age of techology and I foretell a pistol to reflect the age".
And Lo, Lo did make the pistol and called it the Schonberger and looked upon it and thought that it was good but the Lord did say `Lo, Lo thou art taking the p*ss for this is junk`.
And then the lord spake to Hugo and asked of him the same question and Hugo did make his Borchardt and the lord said `Better Hugo, but no coconut`.
So the lord then spake to the prophet Theodor and asked of him the question and Theo built the Bergmann and thought that it was good but the Lord did say unto Theo "Getting there Theo but still no coconut".
And the the Lord did speak unto the Saint Peter Paul and asked of him the question and St Peter Paul said "Lord, I have made for you a pistol but it was not worthy of you" and the Lord was pleased with the honesty of his disciple and said unto St Peter Paul, "Peter Paul, thou art beloved of me and I shall give you another chance to please me" and St Peter Paul was a wise man and said "Lord I am not able to do as you ask for I although my heart is pure my talent is not capable but Lord I have in my employ a good man whose name is Herr Federle who loves you and will do as you ask".
And so it came to pass that Herr Federle did make the Lord a pistol and St Peter Paul did name the pistol the Mauser M1896 for although St Peter Paul was a good man he was not a humble man. And the Lord did look upon the pistol and was pleased with the work of his servants.
After only a few years the Lord did come to come to realise the M1896 was a good pistol but not to his satisfaction and did appear at the factory of the DWM and spake unto his servant George and asked of him the question and George did say "Lord we have bought the factory of Lowe and their servant Hugo is now in our employ and we doth make the pistol of Hugos design" and the Lord did say unto George "Herr Luger I know of Hugos pistol and it pleases me not a lot but I decree that you and Hugo should work together and build me a pistol". And it came to pass that George and Hugo did look upon the pistol of Borchardt and made many economies and did rework the pistol of Hugo and did present it to the Lord. And the Lord was pleased with the pistol of George and Hugo and said unto George "What namest thou this pistol and George did say "Lord, we dost call it the Parabellum `00" and the Lord said unto George "Have a coconut".
And the Lord did amuse himself with the pistol P `00 but found it to be lacking in power and with the action of a velocipede and he did despair and did appear in the desert and thence spake with his disciple John Moses. And John Moses was true to the Lord and did make for him the M1911 and the Lord was well pleased with the work of his servant John Moses.
And it came to pass that the Lord had reason to speak again to his servant John Moses and did say unto him "John M old son, your pistol is most pleasing to me but it refuses to shoot for the man that hath large or small hands and it biteth the hand of every man that can shooteth with it.
And John Moses said unto the Lord "No problem Lord, I will sort it out for thee immediately" and thus it came to pass that in the year of our Lord AD1922 the Lords pistol was finally made and it was good and it was called the 1911A1.

[HSharief]

Brother Mark and Brother Grumpy, you art preaching to the choir. A rose is a rose is a rose. Hand guns, long guns, Autos, Semis, Wheelies, full-auto, rifle, shotgun, large caliber, small caliber, any grade.... I welcome them all in my safe and on my shoulder or in my palm. I thank the provider for giving us these options and I pray to HIM to continue to bless us with the equipment and the wisdom of brothers like you to guide us to the right path on how to use and enjoy them.

[marksman]

Now that's what I call very interesting reading.
Thanks Mark & Grumpy.
Marksman

[dev]

I am so glad that I could attend the service today. We await the messiah to someday appear on the non-prohibited bore list and then it shall be on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.


Dev

[mundaire]

... And then the Lord of the underworld spied upon India and spotted the charlatans in white cotton 'kutas' who called themselves 'leaders', he saw them at work with their conniving minnows 'the babus'... AND he decided that from now on this country would be the focus of his work! He bade his followers in white 'kurtas' to deny Indian citizens the right to keep and bear arms and they happily complied... He had them introduce the Indian Arms Act with its whimsical classifications of PB and NPB and they complied... As the final nail in the coffin, he had them ban all imports of arms and ammunition AND THEY COMPLIED!

...Then he had them impose on the hapless citizens of that country that perversity called the .32 ACP IOFB pistol... 'a world class product'... and the citizens lapped it up, as they had no choice... they fed it IOF ammo and it jammed & misfired causing many a good man to fall under fire... when it did work, the underpowered bullets did not stop the bad guys... who just got even more annoyed and more good men fell...

The Lord looked on helpless to help his flock... as they had forgotten his word... that EVERY man should have the right to keep and bear arms... they feared each other, and blindly believed the men in white 'kurtas' that this would make their fellow man turn to evil... They lovingly caressed their own chains, believing them to be security when in fact it was the instrument of their own enslavement that they were hugging...

...And the Lord of the Underworld and his followers in white 'kurtas' rejoiced!

[Grumpy]

As I`ve said very recently on abother matter Abhijeet - "Thing could be worse".
The situation in the UK being an example: Here we`re only allowed `pistols` that correspond to the minimum dimensions for a rifle which means a revolver with a 12" barrel and a weird arm brace to take them up to the required 24" length. Oh, yeah, and percussion revolvers..............................Whoopee !

[indian]

seems babugiri works everywhere..minimum 4.2 inch in canada(for law abiding guys).criminals are allowed to carry derringers coz they dont get registered

[Hunter]

seems babugiri works everywhere..minimum 4.2 inch in canada(for law abiding guys).criminals are allowed to carry derringers coz they dont get registered

Also Canadian laws regarding prohibition of .25/.32 bore handguns are really surprising!